My Friend Food ...
My painful and amazing journey from food addict to life addict
"
First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do
"
- Epictetus
Finshing my second triathlon November 2009.
So how do you change from being out of breath crossing a road to walking a 1/2 marathon ?
The answer is gradually ! As with everything else on this journey the changes do not happen overnight.
In the beginning I exercised to reduce my daily calorie total - to lose weight. Fitness was almost a side effect from doing this. I would go for a short, slow walk, attempt parts of an aerobic class and just try to get out and do something a bit active every day. This in itself was a challenge with the weight I was but with using SomeBody Weigh Better I was losing weight and starting to feel good. I saw a link to a duathlon series and had a look. A very small voice inside my head told me that I could do it and so began my training for a duathlon. This is also when it changed from me losing weight for my son to me doing it for myself. Exercise by itself is not a thrilling thing but I find that when I am training towards something the exercise is necessary and so I just get on with doing it.
The day came, I was 20kg lighter and I was terrified. When we were told to get to out start point I started crying ... I wanted to run away as fast as I could and hide and eat. But I didn't, I finished the duathlon and it was the first thing I had ever accomplished for myself and by myself. I did two more duathlons that summer and felt good. I then found out I was pregnant - let the nausea begin ! I found being pregnant quite difficult as I was scared of getting bigger again. Looking down and seeing a growing belly after all the work I had done was quite tough. I continued walking and doing an aerobics class for as long as I could. All in all I lost 6kg in the year of having baby Isaac.
7 weeks after having Isaac I did another duathlon and over the course of the summer I did another 5 duathlons and 4 walking events. I have done the City 2 Surf, a 12km walk this year and walked the 1/2 marathon - 21.1km. I am currently training for a series of triathlons this year - my new scary goal of being seen in a swimsuit in public !
January saw a new challenge start for me - joining a hill walking group. I can honestly say that I was terrible at it ! I realized that my fitness was much improved from where I started from but I really struggled with going uphill. Every week I had such high hopes of being able to stay up with the group but I just couldn't. My mind would tell me to give up, turn around and go find some food - but I didn't. 6 months on and I can usually keep up - I am still mostly at the back of the group but at least I can see the rest of the group. It is a great feeling to finally see that I am getting better or that everyone else is getting worse ! I even have a favourite uphill walk which I brought my time down from2 hours 20 minutes to 1 hour 15 minutes. Persistence does pay off eventually.
I have found that there are always new challenges out there and that I do not have to do the same thing over and over, I am experiencing so many new things on my journey.
Another side effect of being healthier, fitter and smaller is the improvements to my health. My asthma is almost gone, my chronic back ache is also greatly diminished and my heal spurs have totally gone.
The answer is gradually ! As with everything else on this journey the changes do not happen overnight.
In the beginning I exercised to reduce my daily calorie total - to lose weight. Fitness was almost a side effect from doing this. I would go for a short, slow walk, attempt parts of an aerobic class and just try to get out and do something a bit active every day. This in itself was a challenge with the weight I was but with using SomeBody Weigh Better I was losing weight and starting to feel good. I saw a link to a duathlon series and had a look. A very small voice inside my head told me that I could do it and so began my training for a duathlon. This is also when it changed from me losing weight for my son to me doing it for myself. Exercise by itself is not a thrilling thing but I find that when I am training towards something the exercise is necessary and so I just get on with doing it.
The day came, I was 20kg lighter and I was terrified. When we were told to get to out start point I started crying ... I wanted to run away as fast as I could and hide and eat. But I didn't, I finished the duathlon and it was the first thing I had ever accomplished for myself and by myself. I did two more duathlons that summer and felt good. I then found out I was pregnant - let the nausea begin ! I found being pregnant quite difficult as I was scared of getting bigger again. Looking down and seeing a growing belly after all the work I had done was quite tough. I continued walking and doing an aerobics class for as long as I could. All in all I lost 6kg in the year of having baby Isaac.
7 weeks after having Isaac I did another duathlon and over the course of the summer I did another 5 duathlons and 4 walking events. I have done the City 2 Surf, a 12km walk this year and walked the 1/2 marathon - 21.1km. I am currently training for a series of triathlons this year - my new scary goal of being seen in a swimsuit in public !
January saw a new challenge start for me - joining a hill walking group. I can honestly say that I was terrible at it ! I realized that my fitness was much improved from where I started from but I really struggled with going uphill. Every week I had such high hopes of being able to stay up with the group but I just couldn't. My mind would tell me to give up, turn around and go find some food - but I didn't. 6 months on and I can usually keep up - I am still mostly at the back of the group but at least I can see the rest of the group. It is a great feeling to finally see that I am getting better or that everyone else is getting worse ! I even have a favourite uphill walk which I brought my time down from2 hours 20 minutes to 1 hour 15 minutes. Persistence does pay off eventually.
I have found that there are always new challenges out there and that I do not have to do the same thing over and over, I am experiencing so many new things on my journey.
Another side effect of being healthier, fitter and smaller is the improvements to my health. My asthma is almost gone, my chronic back ache is also greatly diminished and my heal spurs have totally gone.
I
was always so convinced that all and any ailments I had were not
because I was so overweight - my argument was that skinny people have
asthma so it was just something I had as well. It seems all those people telling me to " lose some weight " for all those years may have been right !
Although this journey started out to change me physically is doing so very much more than that. In fact I do not think my problems all stem from being overweight. I believe that being overweight was a side effect from other issues. The real problem is the programming I have in my head. The complete lack of self confidence, self worth and hatred I had for myself. So I ate to try to hid from this, which in turn increased my weight, which made it easier for me to hate myself even more. This is not a good or productive cycle. Slowly though this is changing. I am learning so very much and trying to not let other people give me my self worth. It is not easy to change your thinking patterns after 30 years but I now try to think before I speak because my initial response it sometimes still in that negative cycle. I struggle to see the changes in my body and critique myself too much. I regularly need a kick up the bum to see that I am greatly different from where I started. With time I am sure it will become easier but I do think it will never come naturally for me.
Eating for me was something I did whenever I felt an emotion. A good emotion meant that I "deserved" something nice to eat and a negative emotion meant that I "needed to just through ". Again it is becoming easier not to go to the food and make better choices but these are deliberate choices. Instead I am learning that I can have a treat of some kind but it only when I have earned it with exercise. This way I am keeping my balance, keeping my calories where they need to be and then I can really enjoy what I am eating.
My journey is not a fast one or one that is done in a few short months. Instead it is a journey measured in years which sounds terrible but in this journey I am experiencing so many new things, new challenges, meeting so many lovely people and making some truly amazing friends. I hung my head down in shame for so long that I almost missed my life, it was almost too late. But now I am living, I feel powerful and I know that I am good enough as I am today ... I just am !
I used to have an excuse for everything, a negative remark and a very judging eye. It basically consumed me. So my advice is to let go of all the excuses, of all the reasons why you cannot do something - because I think you can. I know that is scary to let go of your excuse blankey but it is really very liberating and is a great weight off of your shoulders when you let it go.
Be true to yourself, accept that you are on a journey and enjoy it.
Although this journey started out to change me physically is doing so very much more than that. In fact I do not think my problems all stem from being overweight. I believe that being overweight was a side effect from other issues. The real problem is the programming I have in my head. The complete lack of self confidence, self worth and hatred I had for myself. So I ate to try to hid from this, which in turn increased my weight, which made it easier for me to hate myself even more. This is not a good or productive cycle. Slowly though this is changing. I am learning so very much and trying to not let other people give me my self worth. It is not easy to change your thinking patterns after 30 years but I now try to think before I speak because my initial response it sometimes still in that negative cycle. I struggle to see the changes in my body and critique myself too much. I regularly need a kick up the bum to see that I am greatly different from where I started. With time I am sure it will become easier but I do think it will never come naturally for me.
Eating for me was something I did whenever I felt an emotion. A good emotion meant that I "deserved" something nice to eat and a negative emotion meant that I "needed to just through ". Again it is becoming easier not to go to the food and make better choices but these are deliberate choices. Instead I am learning that I can have a treat of some kind but it only when I have earned it with exercise. This way I am keeping my balance, keeping my calories where they need to be and then I can really enjoy what I am eating.
My journey is not a fast one or one that is done in a few short months. Instead it is a journey measured in years which sounds terrible but in this journey I am experiencing so many new things, new challenges, meeting so many lovely people and making some truly amazing friends. I hung my head down in shame for so long that I almost missed my life, it was almost too late. But now I am living, I feel powerful and I know that I am good enough as I am today ... I just am !
I used to have an excuse for everything, a negative remark and a very judging eye. It basically consumed me. So my advice is to let go of all the excuses, of all the reasons why you cannot do something - because I think you can. I know that is scary to let go of your excuse blankey but it is really very liberating and is a great weight off of your shoulders when you let it go.
Be true to yourself, accept that you are on a journey and enjoy it.
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